Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
