Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Jerry, you need to find god
I smell stomach acid.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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