What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We're too hungover to prance.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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