Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im holly from the hills drunk
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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