rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
