Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
