every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
