There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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