1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
