Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
