the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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