My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
