I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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