This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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