Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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