maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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