Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
