I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
