Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
