i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
