I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
