My sheets look like a crime scene.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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