I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
