I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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