every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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