I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
