she is the kim kardashian of front butts
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
