I want to make a zoo with you.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
