The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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