turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
