just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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