I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
