I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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