This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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