Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
