U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
