I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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