It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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