Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
