i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
