Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
