There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
