Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
