I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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