I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
