Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
