My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
