Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
