I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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