the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
