Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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