a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
