I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Your tits are I can't wait for
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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