My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
