if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
