watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
